When each of us was a baby it was natural for us to “do our business” whenever and wherever. We sensed the call of Nature, and responded as was natural for us. As we got a little older it became natural for us to raise our hand, or tug at our mother’s dress to indicate that Nature was on the line. For most of us, we are now at the stage where it has become natural for us to hear the call of nature and respond accordingly only when it is appropriate; we respond once we have found a clean toilet. There are many males to whom this does not apply, however, as they just find a post, a tree, a wall, anything that’s stationary really, and carry out the task at hand. For the sake this article, we will politely ignore these young men.
During multiple discussions on sex, the recurring argument is that “sex is natural.” This is true. We are sexual beings created to feel the urges we feel, but as with the above illustration, what is natural changes as we mature. In the immature stage, we let go whenever we felt that tingle. Likewise, in the immature stage of sexual and emotional development, we may tend to give in to the urges we feel by engaging in sexual activity. However, as we mature we should understand that though the urge is natural, there is a more appropriate way of dealing with it than simply giving in. I mean what would this world be if we all went around urinating and defecating on ourselves? Just as with wanting to use the toilet, we ought to wait where sex is concerned. We owe it to ourselves and our partners to wait until we have gotten to that safe, secure and private place, that place where responding to the urge is truly acceptable and without shame and regret. In the first example, this place is the toilet; in the case of sexuality, this place is marriage. Regardless of the arguments offered, this is the only safe institution. This is the only institution in which sexual activity will come without regret and a sense of empty and momentary pleasure. This is the only institution for which God created sex. He created it. He knew it would be pleasurable, but as with all things there is a time and a place.
I do understand that initially, decisions may have been made in the heat of the moment. But I am one of those who believes in what is known as “secondary virginity.” I believe that there is something honorable in a woman wanting to, after having made a previous ill-guided decision, keep herself for that man she plans to spend the rest of her life with, that man who also wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and proves it by making her his wife. It is simply not enough to promise without the ring, that you are “gonna get married anyway.” This doesn’t cut it; it just doesn’t. The same goes for males. A major part of a relationship is compromise, but sex is one thing that should not be compromised. If you love someone you will want the best of him or her, you will want to be a part of his or her mental and emotional growth. The only way to help someone grow is to hold his or her hand and politely decline the sexual advances. Let the person know that you too feel what the urges, but that giving in to the strong temptation is not the best decision you can make as a couple. I believe that whatever is meant to be will be, regardless of how long it takes. If at the time your partner decides he or she cannot wait for you, let him or her go. This is easier said than done, I know, but he or she will be back if you are meant to be together.
Remember that we grow by learning to control ourselves. We avoid being laughed at in primary school by learning to control the urge to go to the toilet and waiting for permission from our teacher. Gymnasts perfect their skills by learning to control their moves. Swimmers become internationally recognized as champions when they learn to control their bodies and their breathing. We become our best selves by learning to control the urge to do what seems easy at the time, but really is detrimental in the long run.
-Bless