{"id":26,"date":"2008-03-26T13:40:18","date_gmt":"2008-03-26T17:40:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.guyanalive.com\/wordpress\/?p=4"},"modified":"2011-06-17T16:07:12","modified_gmt":"2011-06-17T20:07:12","slug":"my-rotting-remains","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/?p=26","title":{"rendered":"My Rotting Remains"},"content":{"rendered":"

The agony was too much. <\/span>I\u2019ve never cried so hard, my thoughts were scattered, I was confused and angry all at once.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n


\nI knew about the outcome of this but yet I was obstinate and had to have my own way. I sat at the edge of my bed with tears flowing down my pale cheeks; the sun stood still with its gleaming glow. It was as though it was punishing me for what I had done. <\/span>The world scorned me.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>Tim and I had been married for several years. Together we started our family and little by little we built ourselves the perfect home, or so we thought. <\/span>As the days went by, “Tim was forced to work out of town to help feed and support the family.” <\/span>Like any wife I supported his decision. The nights seemed endless and the days kept crawling. <\/span>I was forced to spend my lonely nights crying the dry tears. I missed my husband so dearly; I longed for his kisses. <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

A day out with my girlfriends changed everything I once felt for my husband. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/span><\/strong>Mark,” the voice said softly. <\/span><\/strong>I turned slowly with a question written on my face. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/strong>I beg your pardon?” He looked straight into my eyes; I could feel the stare piercing my skin.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/strong>Mark,” he repeated. “<\/span>My name is Mark, I live just a few blocks away from you, and I\u2019m sorry if I stared too hard but I was taken back by such radiant beauty.”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>I blushed, and with a bright smile I got up and introduced myself;<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>“Elizabeth<\/span><\/strong>,” I said. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>I was already lost in his eyes, and his smile made me tingle all over.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span>Mark and I eventually left the group and made it to the park. <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong>We became mutual friends. He knew I was married but we both enjoyed each other\u2019s company. <\/span>We spent days together; thoughts of my husband barely crossed my mind. <\/span>I was dangerously hooked on Mark.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span>Nothing seemed possible without him\u2026we had endless pleasure together. This was an affair that I was determined to live with. <\/span>I was willing to give up my entire family for this man. <\/span>He treated me like a queen, dining out at nights, and unexpected gifts of love and affection. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>I was putting my wants before my needs. <\/span>He adored my children and they loved him, but little did they know he was their mother\u2019s secret pleasure. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong>I looked at myself in my bathroom mirror, I looked beautiful and youthful, I smiled more often and I felt that youthfulness I had with Tim. <\/span>My heart told another tale, I can never love two men at the same time. <\/span>I tried convincing myself that it was infatuation, but Mark was very charming and he had become a part of me. <\/span><\/strong>You\u2019ve got to stop this,” I whispered to myself. “<\/span><\/strong>An affair will just ruin your marriage and besides Tim will be back,” I assured myself. <\/span><\/strong>I refused to listen to myself; I set aside every negative thought I had about Mark and let my passion take the best of me. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong>Mark decided he wanted to end this ‘fling,’ he wanted out. <\/span>I was shocked. I had already given him the best of me and now I was left heartbroken. <\/span>I pleaded with him not to end our relationship but he just kept shunning me. <\/span>I felt ripped, inside a burning desire for Mark. <\/span>Many nights I cried the tears of regret. I was now left alone. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>I stood there dumb. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/strong>How could you?” I screamed as I tried to hold back my gushing tears.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>He glanced away and playfully kicked about stones on the ground and said <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/strong>Some things are better left unsaid.” <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>I froze, my heart froze because I watched my lover walk out of my life.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong> My husband returned home and I felt reprehensible. I was scared but I vowed not to let my guilty conscience ruin my marriage. <\/span>I spent most of my time longing for Mark. I rejected my husband’s embrace; I only wanted Mark’s touch. <\/span>I pretended that everything was all right when really I was burning inside with desire for another man. <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

On a bright Saturday afternoon, as I baked cookies for my kids and listened as they ran through the house screaming, the buzzer on my door went off. <\/span>As I walked towards the door, I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel and gently flung it on the kitchen counter.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>“Good afternoon, Madam,” the mailman said with a huge smile. <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Good afternoon to you too. <\/span>May I help you?” <\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

He gave me the telegram and calmly walked away. <\/span><\/strong>It had been a telegram for me, and it was from an unknown name, but it was addressed to me. “<\/span>Who?” I thought to myself.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>It read, “Mark died.” Stop. “He died peacefully.” Stop. “<\/span>Package to follow.”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>“Mark died,”I whispered to myself.<\/span><\/strong> I felt my stomach growl, suddenly I felt dizzy. <\/span>I became numb; the walls looked as though they were closing in on me. I was spinning helplessly.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>The package that followed had a letter from Mark, and in the privacy of my room my tears rushed helplessly down my cheeks. <\/span>I sat at the edge of the bed unsure of what to expect. <\/span>As I read the letter my heart raced and my thoughts were cloudy and gray. <\/span>He had left because of his illness, an illness that killed him, he regretted every hurt he caused me but was happy that in his lifetime he met a woman such as me. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>As I read the letter my husband came in only to find me slumped on the bed in tears. He took the letter from me but I was too ashamed to fight back. <\/span>He read with disbelief, his anger grew faster as he too broke down with tears of betrayal and hatred. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“<\/span><\/strong>Forgive me,” I pleaded with him. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>The scornful look he gave me made me realize that our vows \u2018for better or for worse,\u2019 were all just a sham. <\/span>He hated me no less, I made him cry. The man I once loved I compared to a man I lusted for. <\/span><\/span><\/strong>I was scorned amongst everyone. <\/span>It had been an excruciating affair.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

My rotting remains were a disgrace. <\/span><\/strong>Now I have to live with the guilt and the poison of what I had done to my family, and myself. <\/span>I have allowed my lust to consume me and my consequence is definite, the house with the picket fence is broken and all my dreams shattered all at once. <\/span>I am HIV Positive. <\/span>God! Help me now\u2026. How can I stop these tears from falling down helplessly.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/strong>Copyright \u00a9 2008 Tashandra Inniss<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The agony was too much. I\u2019ve never cried so hard, my thoughts were scattered, I was confused and angry all at once. I knew about the outcome of this but yet I was obstinate and had to have my own way. I sat at the edge of my bed with tears flowing down my pale … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “My Rotting Remains”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[696],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-guyanalive","tag-rants-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/16"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1888,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions\/1888"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.guyanalive.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}